Sunday, November 2, 2014

Party of Two

It's the two of us, and that's all. Just me and Reagan. Not really, but when it comes down to our immediate family unit, that's the truth. Her father is broken and flaky. I can't make excuses for him, I can only try to facilitate some form of a bond between them and attempt to make up for all that he lacks.

So, how does someone who is not just a single parent, but the ONLY parent, go about being a good mother and yet making ends meet financially? Being a mother is the greatest accomplishment in my life and this little girl who counts on me for everything brings me more joy than anything else in the world.

When I found out I was pregnant I was in cosmetology school. I decided I needed to go to nursing school instead, because the pay and benefits were better. I've known from the start that I needed to be able to support us on my own. Now that I'm finished with my first year of Registered Nursing classes, I'm absolutely beside myself with anxiety and stress. Trying to study with a three year old is like fighting a losing battle! So I'm in the beginning of a year long hiatus from "nursing" classes. I thought I could take regular classes for my bachelor's degree and start clinicals again when Reagan started preschool.

Let me tell you, things are NOT going how I envisioned! Keeping up with these classes and a little ball of energy and all that that entails is hard! I'm so busy that I'm not taking care of myself and I'm still missing out on so many day to day things with Reagan. It's really making me question myself as a mother. What message am I sending her, sitting her studying all day? Telling her "Mommy can't play right now" multiple times a day. I see how its affecting her. We are extremely close, and it hurts me not to be able to spend more time just being with her.

At this point I'm considering going back to beauty school. I've always had a knack for it and a passion for it, so my best friend and I are seriously considering going back to school together and opening a salon and spa in our beach vacation town. Sounds crazy, right?

Now that I'm done rambling, my question is, how much should we put school and education ahead of our children? Does it really benefit them in the long run? Or do they benefit more from our PRESENCE and time and attention. I'm home with Reagan all day every day doing online classes, and yet she feels like she gets no time with me. I'm physically in the same room, but I'm not mentally present!

Do the pressures to be "successful" keep you from having quality time with your littles? What can you change to show them how much you care and that they are a top priority too? Maybe it's not something so drastic as changing careers and starting your own business, or maybe that's what you need too.

I don't know how to be a perfect parent, but I do know that success is about more than just how much money you're making. Success has to do with what you feel in your heart you are meant to do. When I can spend quality time with my mini me and work on raising her to be a God loving, forgiving, kind, compassionate, and educated girl who knows how strong my love is for her, that is my vision of success.

They're only little once, and that's over in the blink of an eye. I definitely don't want to miss out on making memories I can't get back.



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